


new message.

by kennymcwhoremick



Category: South Park
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Relationship(s), alot of sex jokes, kenny is a pervy love whisperer, kyle is so inlove with stan, no kyman shit here bitches, srry ken is in every chapter ijust love him sm, tweek & craig are fucking adorable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 03:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12123096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kennymcwhoremick/pseuds/kennymcwhoremick
Summary: sucky ass gc fic





	1. exposition

new message  
_______________________

Friday, 6:34 pm.

quadruple og squad gang 

Kyle Broflovski is now online. 

Kyle Broflovski: hey guys

Stan Marsh: Hey, dude what's up?

Eric Cartman: Oh look a stupid jew 

Kenny McCormick: hey kyle 

Kyle Broflovski: hi stan nothing much and you

Kenny McCormick: ignored

Eric Cartman: Fuck you kahl 

Stan Marsh: Nothing's really up, just the same old. 

Kyle Broflovski: hey kenny, fuck you cartman

Eric Cartman: Why are you even in this groupchat somebody kick him out

Kenny McCormick: boi   
you added him

Eric Cartman: Wow ty for having my back Keeny 

Kenny McCormick: misspell my name one more time i'll sell you to satan for a corn chip 

Kyle Broflovski: the amount of stupidity to misspell two names, including mine, in a gc where you can clearly see how its spelt is pretty fucking high cartman

Stan Marsh: Yeah, Cartman. You're pretty dumb. 

Eric Cartman: All of you are jealous assholes kiss my black ass

Kyle Broflovski: disturbing 

Kenny McCormick is now offline. 

Stan Marsh: You made Kenny go offline. 

Kyle Broflovski: you bastard

Eric Cartman: Well then screw you guys I'm going offline to

Kyle Broflovski: finally

Eric Cartman is now offline. 

Stan Marsh: What a dumbass. 

Kyle Broflovski: i'm really bored 

Stan Marsh: Me too. I would ask you to come over buuuut I don't know if you're busy, I know how stormed with homework you get on Fridays. 

Kyle Broflovski: i wiiiilll be there in 10. homework can wait till tomorrow or the day after

Stan Marsh: Sweet. See ya

Kyle Broflovski is now offline. 

Stan Marsh is now offline. 

~~~

Private Message / Friday, 11:57 PM.   
Kyle Broflovski&Stan Marsh

Stan Marsh: Did you get home okay? 

Kyle Broflovski: yeah thank your mom again for the food

Stan Marsh: If she hears another thank you from you she'll probably explode. 

Kyle Broflovski: I CAN'T THANK HER ENOUGH

Stan Marsh: She literally just fed us unhealthy ass fast food. 

Kyle Broflovski: it was still good af

Stan Marsh: Don't you have homework? 

Kyle Broflovski: its like you want me to stop texting you k bye

Stan Marsh: DUDE CHILL NO

Kyle Broflovski: just kidding teehee

Stan Marsh: Do you though?

Kyle Broflovski : YES and just the thought of it gives me anxiety please stop   
Kyle Broflovski: i'm sleepy

Stan Marsh: Sleep. Tmm is another day 

Kyle Broflovski: i'm going to the movies tomorrow yay

Stan Marsh: Oh are you taking Ike?

Kyle Broflovski: nah cartman invited me 

Stan Marsh: Oh.   
Stan Marsh: Why couldn't Kenny go or whatever 

Kyle Broflovski; cause kennys going somewhere with butters

Stan Marsh: Hm. How fun. 

Kyle Broflovski: debatable 

Stan Marsh: I'm suddenly sleepy. Night dude

Kyle Broflovski: sweet dreams 

__________________________________________________

craig's gay ass 

Saturday, 10:49 AM. 

Clyde Donovan, Craig Tucker, Token Black are now online. 

Craig Tucker: i swear.

Clyde Donovan: OSHKSWJWJSB 

Token Black: Oh god, Clyde 

Clyde Donovan: CHILL CRAIG 

Craig Tucker: i'm kicking your ass  
Craig Tucker: ph my god. i'm gonnafvujkingkillyou.

Clyde Donovan has changed the group name to "craighasabigasscrushontweek"

Token Black: OH NO

Craig Tucker: wtf clyde i don't.. 

Clyde Donovan: YEAH OK 

Token Black: Clyde don't be such a dick.

Clyde Donovan: I'm not trying to be! It's just fair for what he did to me smh 

Craig Tucker: .... THAT WASN'T EVEN THAT BAD 

Clyde Donovan: I almost cried.

Craig Tucker: leave it if you wanna die

Clyde Donovan: I'm suicidal

Token Black: C'mon Clyde! Craig doesn't want you to mess with his little Tweek.

Craig Tucker: don't involve him neither of u i stg.

Clyde Donovan: Hahahahahhah  
Clyde Donavan has changed the group name to "I wanna have a three some with tweek and craig" 

Craig Tucker: oh my god man CLYDE IM NOT PLAYINF

Clyde Donovan: LMFAO IM WAITING FOR TWEEK TO GET ONLINE

Token Black: Clyde.. thats enough just stop. 

Clyde Donovan: I just wanna see how Tweek reacts! 

Craig Tucker: dude if you don't change it i'm gonna knock you out dude when he sees that he'll probably get anxiety or some shit. you don't know how bad it is cause you probably never even had it man. i'm trying to be nice here just change it.

Token Black: ^ 

Clyde Donovan: Fine. 

Clyde Donovan has changed the group name to " I love you all " 

Token Black: We love you too, Clyde. <3

Craig Tucker: token don't lie to the poor child. 

Clyde Donovan: LOLLLLLL. Let me rephrase that

Clyde Donovan has changed the group name to  
" I love Token and Tweek " 

Craig Tucker: how cute. 

Tweek Tweak is now online. 

Craig Tucker: heyyy tweek. 

Tweek Tweak: hi

Clyde Donovan: Tweek!

Token Black: Hey man.

Craig Tucker: what are you doing today?

Tweek Tweak: a shift at the sho  
Tweek Tweak: p

Craig Tucker: ah, mind if i stop by later? i'm so bored and i miss your moms warm cookies. 

Tweek Tweak: sure she says she misses u 

Craig Tucker: awwww. 

Tweek Tweak: likeatwat time wld ucome

Craig Tucker: i'll text you when i'm on my way. 

Clyde Donovan: Guys. I think Wendy likes me (; 

Craig Tucker: shut up literally nobody likes you. 

Token Black: Wendy still likes Stan. 

Tweek Tweak: stan dosnt likeher

Craig Tucker: it's obvious he doesn't. 

Clyde Donovan: How do you she still likes him?

Token Black: Everybody knows..

Clyde Donovan: Ooookay. Bebe is cute. 

Tweek Tweak: bebe likeskenny 

Craig Tucker: kenny likes a boy. plus he called her annoying

Clyde Donovan: Do you even think any of them would go for me?

Token Black: They probably would. You just need to hang out with them more. 

Craig Tucker: i don't think any of them would go  
for you you're pretty fucking ugly. 

Clyde Donovan: Thx. You pretty ugly yourself

Token Black: You guys love eachother, lowkey. 

Craig Tucker: i will never ever love him. 

Tweek Tweak: don't berudeecraig

Craig Tucker: ok

Token Black: That reminds me! Remember 4th grade?

Clyde Donovan: Hahaaaa. Awwww

Craig Tucker: everybody forgot about that considering it was in 4th fucking grade.

Tweek Tweak: yea it was a longfgffggggggggggtimeago

Clyde Donovan: S'cute. 

Token Black: I'm pretty sure everyone still thinks you guys are dating. You still get stares when you guys are hangin'.

Craig Tucker: you guys are so fucking gay  
Craig Tucker: and i know who you are/used to be gay for, clyde so i want you to try me again.

Tweek Tweak: OCRAOGwho

Token Black: What the hell???? Clyde i'm your bestfriend and I don't even know who you like wow smh offended. 

Clyde Donovan: Dude you're gonna find out sooner or later or whatever like it isn't even a big deal so craig shut cho ass up

Token Black: Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww o f f e n d e d.

Clyde Donovan: IHY Craig

Craig Tucker: fuck you guys. 

Token Black: Hahahahhaha. 

Clyde Donovan: FUCK YOU TOO

Tweek Tweak: ^

Craig Tucker: let me rephrase that. fuck you clyde and token. 

Tweek Tweak: hahahahahahshdhhdsh

Craig Tucker is now offline. 

Clyde Donovan: Fuck his bjtch ass shaking my head.

Token Black: ASSHOLE 

_

 

Private Message / Saturday, 11:04 AM.   
TweekTweak&CraigTucker

 

Tweek Tweak: hey man u. cming 

Craig Tucker: aw. yeah i'm on my way. 

Tweek Tweak: 

Craig Tucker: what a cutie. ill see you when i get there. xx  
___________________

Private Message / Saturday, 11:10 AM.   
TweekTweak&ButtersStotch 

Tweek Tweak: HKDEZALJAAJ

Butters Stotch: Heya Tweek. 

Tweek Tweak: HSEVCALED ME A CJHUTIE

Butters Stotch: Who, Craig?

Tweek Tweak: YE

Butters Stotch: I've been telling you since the beginning! He likes you! I don't know how you don't see it..

Tweek Tweak: idrk   
Tweek Tweak: hes coming to the cafe forsome reaso. n  
Tweek Tweak: you haven't even told me who u lik e

Butters Stotch: That's cause' I don't like nobody. 

Tweek Tweak: mhm k

Butters Stotch: FINE! You caught me, Tweek. 

Tweek Tweak: ?

Butters Stotch: Its Kenny. Ok? Ya happy???

Tweek Tweak: LDNAOAHSNS  
Tweek Tweak: shook

Butters Stotch: Gee, Tweek. 

Tweek Tweak: gtgtggshgatgtgtg xraigs ghere 

_________

Private Message / Saturday, 9:58 PM.   
ButtersStotch&KennyMcCormick

Kenny McCormick: heeeeeey butters

Butters Stotch: Hiya Kenny!

Kenny McCormick: sup wyd

Butters Stotch: Real bored. 

Kenny McCormick: ft me or call me 

Butters Stotch: Why?

Kenny McCormick: i wanna see u and hear ur voice and i have something for u

Butters Stotch: Gee, Ken! Well.. what is it?

Kenny McCormick: its really big so id ruin the surprise if i told you now (;

Butters Stotch: I cant wait to see! 

Kenny McCormick: that's why i should come over and bring it so you can get a better view of it duhhhhh

Butters Stotch: My parents wouldn't like that... Maybe they'd even ground me.

Kenny McCormick: are they home now

Butters Stotch: No, they're at work. 

Kenny McCormick: it'll only take an hour or maybe even less if i'm unlucky

Butters Stotch: Huh?

Kenny McCormick: nothing   
Kenny McCormick: so can i come or not  
Kenny McCormick: butters  
Kenny McCormick: hello

Butters Stotch: Gee, Ken. So eager! LOL. 

Kenny McCormick: BUTTERS

Butters Stotch: Alright. Come but you better hurry!

Kenny McCormick: i'm running

Butters Stotch: Be careful Ken!!

Kenny McCormick: willdo

_____________


	2. my jealousy speaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all   
> sorry i didn't put the last names of the girls i was lazy af  
> enjoy

Saturday, 10:48 PM  
quadruple og squad gang 

Kenny McCormick is now online. 

Kenny McCormick: HEY GUYS

Eric Cartman: Not even speaking to you

Kyle Broflovski: hi kenny

Stan Marsh: Hey.

Eric Cartman: Your such a fuckigng asshole 

Kenny McCormick: me?

Eric Cartman: Yes u fucking poor ass I went to the movies with Kahl instead and we had an amazing time

Kyle Broflovski: the nachos were so goood

Stan Marsh: Lmao 

Kenny McCormick: BOI cause i don't wanna be with your fat ass self damn please leave me alone so obbsessed with me i'm with butters now

Kenny McCormick has sent a photo!

Eric Cartman: Shuf the fuckup poor boy Do u think that you and Butters flipping me off through the phone makes you cool mcwhoremick 

Kenny McCormick: you can call me that all  
you want i get more dick and pussy than  
you ever have gotten in your whole entire life fatfuck smh 

Kyle Broflovski: guys stop i cant even tell if this is a joke anymore wtf

Stan Marsh: FR

Kenny McCormick: bye fuck you cartman i get the last word 

Kenny McCormick is now offline.

Eric Cartman: Fuck him anyway I would have rather gone with Kahl he wouldnt even afford it   
Eric Cartman: Anyways Kahl did you like the movie

Kyle Broflovski: yeah it was cool 

Eric Cartman: Yeah ik  
Eric Cartman: Ill see you tomorrow or whatever i gtg bye Jew  
Eric Cartman: Oh and bye Stan

Kyle Broflovski: bye!

Stan Marsh: Bye. 

Eric Cartman is now offline. 

Stan Marsh: I'm gonna leave now too.

Kyle Broflovski: why 

Stan Marsh: Because I don't feel like being here anymore. 

Kyle Broflovski: are you okay???

Stan Marsh: Lmao no

Stan Marsh's POV

Incoming call from Kyle Broflovski.

What does he want from me? Can't he just call Cartman?   
Regardless of my thoughts, I pick up the phone 

Silence. For only a couple of moments 

"Stan?" I hear him say in that precious, worried, caring voice that he only puts on for me. It hasn't changed one bit. 

"Hey Kyle." I respond to him.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?.. Did something happen?" 

"I'm fine dude." I really was, not gonna lie. I'm just.. why didn't he ask me to go somewhere or something? 

"You're not. Is this about how I didn't hang out with you? If it is, then i'm realy sorry man you should of said something! I would of ditched Cartman!" His voice grew worried in a sorry and somewhat upset way. 

"If he invited me somewhere, I would of have immediately rejected him and went with you instead." 

"Why are you getting so mad, dude? I'm sorry." 

"I'm not getting mad." I stated trying hard to sound as not-upset as possible. 

" I KNOW when you're getting mad, Stan." It was his turn to get mad, I hear his voice grow louder and I feel like he's glaring at me through the phone. 

"Okay, Kyle. Cause' you're always right, right? Yes, i'm mad." I chuckled in between the sentence knowing how much he despises it. 

"Why the fuck are you even mad? Is it because of Cartman? I apologized more than once. What more do you want?" He gave up his mad act and his voice was more calm. God, how annoying. He acts like he doesn't get jealous when Wendy and I go out.   
"Stan.."  
"Hello?"  
" You're just jealous."

"You're fucking hilarious." I chuckled, again. Disregarding the fact that it really is true. 

"So, it is true." He said proudly. 

"I have to go, Kyle." I lied. 

"No you don't." He quickly corrected, 

"No I don't, you're right.." 

"You shouldn't be ashamed. Its pretty flattering, actually. I get jealous all the time, Stan. Just don't take it out on other people!" Kyle talked in a very understanding and caring voice, the voice I fell in love with. The only voice that will be of some comfort. Gosh, I sound like Craig taking about Tweek. 

"You're right. I just- Cartman lately has been too.. Nice? To you atleast, Kenny is a different story.. The point is, maybe he'd want to be your super bestfriend and you'd let him!" 

"OFCOURSE I WOULDNT! I wouldn't even label that fat ass a close friend. Its just your jealousy speaking." I smiled at this and felt reassured. 

" I guess that's true." 

"Alright, Stan. I'm gonna catch up on homework. I'll talk to you in a little bit. Bye!" 

"Bye, dude." 

~~~~

Sunday, 3:04 PM. 

I love Token and Tweek

Token Black is now online. 

Clyde Donovan: TOKEN

Craig Tucker: TOKEN

Tweek Tweak: HEY TOKEN

Token Black: You guys missed me. 

Craig Tucker: please explain to clyde fucking donovan that we do not live in south america. 

Tweek Tweak: LOL

Clyde Donovan: CRAIG YOU'RE WILDING 

Craig Tucker: HOW?

Token Black: CLYDE... We live in North America..

Clyde Donovan: HOW WE GONNA LIVE IN NORTH AMERICA IF WE LIVE IN SOUTH PARK 

Tweek Tweak: cause south park is south inside ofnorth ameficaw 

Craig Tucker: like south florida. its south too. 

Token Black: Yeah. We live in the USA, in North America. 

Clyde Donovan: Bye

Clyde Donovan is now offline. 

Craig Tucker: i have never met someone more stupid..

Tweek Tweak: craig temember wheniforgot to spel bald 

Craig Tucker: LMFAO BUT that was different at least you know where you live. 

Token Black: TWEEK WTF HOW DID YOU EVEN SPELL IT?

Tweek Tweak: "balled

Craig Tucker: i couldn't believe you tweek. 

Token Black: BALLED??

Tweek Tweak: YEASFDSSTOPLS

Craig Tucker: what even tweek. 

Token Black: THATS SO FUNNY LOLL. 

Craig Tucker: i laughed. 

Tweek Tweak: byeguys stop bullying me

Craig Tucker: jk it isn't funny it could happen to  
anyone stop laughing token.

Token Black: YeAgo protect your lil bf (;

Craig Tucker: i wanna be an admin soooooooooo bad. 

Token Black: Too bad you're not !!!!

Tweek Tweak: zhskxhlshSHOULDITRYICEDFCOFFEE

Craig Tucker: yes. prepare me something cause i'm leaving my house right now

Tweek Tweak: YIURECOMING?

Craig Tucker: ye.   
Craig Tucker: take my order please. 

Token Black: Go have roleplay phone sex somewhere else PLEASE. 

Craig Tucker: fuck you. 

Tweek Tweak: whagdo u want 

Craig Tucker: what i always get. 

Tweek Tweak: okkd gtg makeit ill see u in a littl craig bye token see you tomorrow at skool

Craig Tucker: bye tweek(:

Token Black: Bye Tweekums. 

Tweek Tweak is now offline. 

Token Black: Atleast give him a lil kiss, Craig (;

Craig Tucker: stop. 

Craig Tucker is now offline. 

Token Black: How gay. 

Token Black is now offline. 

~~~~~  
Sunday, 8:58 PM   
Private Message   
KennyMcCormick&BebeStevens 

Bebe Stevens: hey kenny!

Kenny McCormick: hey bebe

Bebe Stevens: .. are you like free right now?

Kenny McCormick: not right now no

Bebe Stevens: what are you even doing?

Kenny McCormick: with a friend

Bebe Stevens: oh?

Kenny McCormick: .... oh????

Bebe Stevens: LOL.

Kenny McCormick: the fuck

Bebe Stevens: you know i like you dude what the hell 

Kenny McCormick: LLMDLAJKSJA YOURE KIDDING I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING

Bebe Stevens: when are you ever with a " friend " ? 

Kenny McCormick: you've liked me ever since we hooked up drop it dude

Bebe Stevens: YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND 

Kenny McCormick: go make out with wendy or something i'm gonna block you 

Bebe Stevens: fuck you kenny mcwhoremick

______

Sunday, 9:12 PM  
(just their names cause they hip like that & i cant remember most of their last names)   
The girls. 

 

Bebe just sent a photo!

Wendy: What the helllll

Bebe: WENDY 

Heidi: How rude!

Red: i never expected that from him omg shook 

Wendy: Fuck him Bebe!!

Nichole: What a bitch omg

Bebe: ive liked him for such a long time

Wendy: He was always such a player. You deserve sm better! 

Bebe: thank youu wendy 

Wendy: I'm always here girl. Always. 

Nichole: I agree with Wendy (:

Red: same

Heidi: Me three. 

Wendy: Forget about him. Move on!

Nichole: Clyde was always better tbh

Heidi: The honesty lol

Red: LMAO yes you should go for him

Bebe: do you think i should wendy

Wendy: .. Um 

Bebe: ? 

Wendy: Maybe you should stay single and get to know other people and try out new experiences!

Bebe: you mean.. experimenting?

Wendy: Why not. 

Nichole: Are you gay Wendy..

Red: NICHOLE STOP

Wendy: NO WTF

Heidi: WTH GUYS 

Bebe: i mean it isn't a bad idea..

Wendy: YOU SEE

Nichole: You guys are weird. 

Red: rude 

Nichole: IM NOT JUDGING

Bebe: LOL

Heidi: Everyones a little bi-curious if anything. 

Wendy: EXACTLY

Bebe: heidi .. you have a boyfriend though wha-

Heidi: Not anymore. 

Bebe: WHAT 

Wendy: Oh yeahhhh you guys broke up. 

Bebe: wHat why

Heidi: ITS COMPLICATTEDD but i'm fine yallll

Nichole: That's all that matters. 

Red: rIGHT

Wendy: I'm gonna get to sleep guys. 

Bebe: ITS NINE

Wendy: I like to sleep bitch smh anyways Goodnight guys<3

Bebe: night<3

Red: NIGHT WENDYS

Nichole: ^!

Heidi: Goodnight Wendy!

Wendy is now offline. 

______  
Sunday, 9:38PM   
Private Message   
Bebe&Wendy

Bebe: hey wendy you're probably asleep or whatever but were you like serious 

Wendy: Of course. 

Bebe: have you done it?

Wendy: No. Can't say I don't wanna 

Bebe: stan was probably horrible

Wendy: LOL BEBE  
Wendy: I've forgotten about him. I'm like "into" someone else or whatever

Bebe: whothe fuck

Wendy: It's nobody. 

Bebe: bestfriends my fucking ass

Wendy: Ill tell you in school. 

Bebe: you better  
Bebe: are you shleep

Wendy: I'm SLOWLY falling asleep I can't even type wtfwttwft

Bebe: alrightttt goodnight wendy <3 ill see you tomorrow 

Wendy: Night bebe see you tmm!


	3. sorry xoxoxoxoxoxo<3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this story gets deep lolol 
> 
> also
> 
> i love u samantha

Monday, 8:58 AM  
quadruple og squad gang  
___

Kenny McCormick: hey guys so i just wanted to let you know that i’m gonna kill myself in the boys bathroom at around 9:20 because i hate school so if you guys wanna join feel free too

Eric Cartman: Stop joking around about death Keeny 

Kenny McCormick: i’ll kill you and myself wassup

Kyle Broflovski: LOLMAL

Kenny McCormick: craig doesn’t wanna skip with me sad face

Eric Cartman: Ask Butters ur new bestfriend

Kenny McCormick: why are u so salty ab it tho  
Kenny McCormick: & i don’t wanna get him grounded so

Kyle Broflovski: ask someone else

Kenny McCormick: what’s a study group guys is it like code for foursome 

Kyle Broflovski: .. what

Eric Cartman: ARE U DUMB 

Kenny McCormick: ok but can y’all answer my fucking question 

Kyle Broflovski: its when you and like other people study in a group

Kenny McCormick: why are they asking me to be in it though

Kyle Broflovski: who

Kenny McCormick: some random ass kids we doing some stupid shit idk

Kyle Broflovski: join them 

Eric Cartman: Its 9:20 KeeN

Kyle Broflovski: r.i.p. kenny

Kenny McCormick: jk i don’t wanna die i’m not suicidal like clyde and craig

Kyle Broflovski: i’m suicidal rn. they’re giving me all the work smh

Kenny McCormick: kyle u look like a suicidal

Kyle Broflovski: thanks   
Kyle Broflovski: did cartman like go and join your suicide pact 

Kenny McCormick: LMAO idk  
Kenny McCormick: what class is stan in i’m gonna visit him

Kyle Broflovski: dunno. well i gtg finish all this i’ll see you later ken 

Kenny McCormick: bye <3

Kyle Broflovski: bye

Kenny McCormick: no love ):

Kyle Broflovski is now offline. 

Kenny McCormick: wow   
__

Monday, 10:46 AM  
I love Token ana Tweek

 

Tweek Tweak: GUYS ):

Craig Tucker: yes??

Tweek Tweak: i have no partner 

Craig Tucker: i’ll be your partner. 

Tweek Tweak: IN MY CLAS  
Tweek Tweak: EVERYCLASS ISDOINGTHATGROUP STF

Craig Tucker: i don’t care if i’m not in your class fuck did you think this was??????  
Craig Tucker: i’ll just come over or whatever i’ll do the assignment with you. 

Tweek Tweak: dontu have la group to work with 

Craig Tucker: k?? when were they ever a higher priority then

Tweek Tweak: huUH

Craig Tucker: “ huUh” headass. YOU HEARD ME

Tweek Tweak: techniCaLLY I DIDN HEAR U BY TEXT

Craig Tucker: why are you denying my affection?

Tweek Tweak: IM NOTR   
Tweek Tweak: JUSDGD

Craig Tucker: TWEEK.

Tweek Tweak: YESSBA

Craig Tucker: CALM DOWN. 

Tweek Tweak: im calm

Craig Tucker: IT TOOK YOU HOURS TO TYPE THAT

Clyde Donovan is now online. 

Clyde Donovan: BRUH TWEEK AND FUCKING CRAIG STOP FUCKING SPAMMING

Craig Tucker: shut your north american ass. 

Clyde Donovan: Brace face headass

Tweek Tweak: jusst mute the chat

Craig Tucker: wait tweek. maybe the poor guy doesn’t even know how to mute the chat cause he’s a dumbass. 

Clyde Donovan: Bye. I’m trying to get my education to live a good, successful life. 

Craig Tucker: you’re so funny clyde lollll. 

Tweek Tweak: i’m laughingggggf

Clyde Donovan: I think the fuck not. Tweek look at me

Tweek Tweak: EW DONT LOSK AT ME LIKE THAT WTF

Craig Tucker: how is he looking at you?

Tweek Tweak: mean

Clyde Donovan: I was trying to smile at you. 

Tweek Tweak: he thre w a paper

Craig Tucker: .

Clyde Donovan: Tweek I love yoouuuuUuuuuuuuU

Tweek Tweak: i dont please get away from me predafor   
Tweek Tweak: pedtke   
Tweek Tweak: PREDATIR  
Tweek Tweak: my aPhoen IS ON2% HDKSB. YE

Tweek Tweak is now offline. 

Clyde Donovan: I love you Craig you my boo

Craig Tucker: ewwwwwww. 

Clyde Donovan: I’ll take care of Tweekums for you. I’m out 

Craig Tucker: fuck u. 

Clyde Donovan: Love you too.

Clyde Donovan is now offline.   
__

Monday, 3:09 PM  
Group Study!

Kenny McCormick, Stan Marsh, Token Black, BeBe Stevens were added to the chat. 

Butters Stotch: Hey guys!

Kenny McCormick: buttercup did u forget how to private message because we in a chat with 3 other people

Butters Stotch: It’s the group study group chat, Ken!

Stan Marsh: I was gonna study with Kyle. 

Token Black: I was gonna study with Clyde or something. 

Butters Stotch: If you don’t wanna be in it then leave!

Bebe Stevens has left the chat. 

Stan Marsh has left the chat. 

Token Black: Sorry Butters. 

Token Black has left the chat. 

Butters Stotch: Go ahead and leave too, Kenny ):

Kenny McCormick: i’m not leaving butterscotch

Butters Stotch: You aren’t!!!!

Kenny McCormick: MATTERFAACT  
Kenny McCormick: i might actually even go to see u like at city wok at 7 LOLOLoL

Butters Stotch: Gee.. When did I ever agree to that? 

Kenny McCormick: rejection

Butters Stotch: Who rejected you?

Kenny McCormick: butters

Butters Stotch: OHHHHHHHHHH  
Butters Stotch: LOL! Sorry for that. Haha. See you at 7 Ken <3 (:

Kenny McCormick: see you then innocent bb 

Butters Stotch: (;*

Kenny McCormick is now offline. 

__

Monday, 4:08  
PM  
quadruple og gang squad 

Kenny McCormick is now online. 

Kenny McCormick: you guys really need to get like me 

Stan Marsh: Why?

Kenny McCormick: cause i asked butters out and he said yes and i asked craig to roll a joint with me and he said yes and i asked clyde if i can come over and he said yes and nichole wants to hook up with me and i said yes

Kyle Broflovski: UM KENNY

Kenny McCormick: whA

Butters Stotch: Gee, Ken. Lucky you. 

Kenny McCormick: buttersnfdksn   
Kenny McCormick: i was jOkign

Butters Stotch has left the chat. 

Eric Cartman: Low dude

Kenny McCormick: fuck bro

Kyle Broflovski: what are you gonna do

Stan Marsh: Is there anything he can do?

Kenny McCormick: i literally can’t make it  
up to him. 

Kyle Broflovski: why do you care though

Stan Marsh: “Pointless hookups”

Eric Cartman: Do you actually like Butters what the fuck Keeny

Kenny McCormick: fuck you guys why wouldyou add him

Stan Marsh: Don’t blame this shit on us. 

Kyle Broflovski: yeah. you were the one who said it it’s on you 

Eric Cartman: Go make out wit him and buy  
him food

Kenny McCormick: his parents aren’t gonna let me inside of their fucking house

Eric Cartman: Sneak in his window

Kenny McCormick: his petty ass probably won’t even open it

Eric Cartman: TRY UGLY ASS

Kyle Broflovski: i don’t get it what’s the difference between butters and craig and clyde and nichole 

Kenny McCormick: YALLL STOP ASKING ME WUESTJONS ABOUT MY GORMFMKFRM  
Kenny McCormick: i am overwhelmed

Stan Marsh: Calm your ass down. You literally are gonna fix this. Butters is easy 

Kenny McCormick: wtf don’t say that about him no he isn’t back the fuck up 

Kyle Broflovski: ok kenny

Kenny Broflovski: bye you guys make me wannakilll myself i don’t wanna live no more 

Eric Cartman: BYE KENNY

Kenny McCormick is now offline.

 

__  
Monday, 9:54 PM  
Butters PoV

I sit in my room. Sighing, looking for a channel on T.V that won’t bore me to death. I try looking up from my phone, disregarding all the snapchats Tweek is sending me of Craig, to process, comprehend and accept the unremarked text that was mistakenly sent to me.

I haven’t bothered to even tell anybody about it because it was humiliating! Inside that brain of his, that probably wears a parka as well, he had no intention of pursuing any sort of relationship. Even though it took all my confidence to show that I wanted one with him. 

I could have sworn I heard something hit my window but I ignore it the first time.   
I wanna scream oh hamburgers out of my window right now.   
I’ll get in big trouble for that one though.   
So, i’ll just tear up instead.   
Another sound. 

Just the wind.   
I settle down with some random Hawaiian show while trying to fight what seemed like tears from rolling down my cheeks!   
Another sound. 

Just a branch!  
I eventually stopped crying and was diverted into what was playing on the television. 

Another sound.   
I open my curtains only to see the last person, but in some way the first person I wanted to see! 

‘I’m sorry ButterCup! ❤️”  
I read his sign made out of cardboard and red sharpie and I couldn’t help but smile. 

I was awfully hesitant of letting him in. My parents would be sooo sore if they found out. My hands took control and abruptly I was pulling Kenny in my room and digging my small hands into his hair while he kissed me in a passionate but turbulently way. I wanted to pulled away, of course, cause’ who wouldn’t? After what that nimbus said?!   
But, I couldn’t..? 

Eventually, he pulled away for breath. My face felt hot and my heart was racing.   
He smiled his evil, but room brightening smile. Oh, hamburgers.   
After what felt like infinity itself,  
“I’m so sorry. I cancelled it all. I even blocked their numbers! I’ll show you. I hope you can forgive me. I really didn’t mean it buttercup!” He pleaded, obviously regretful. 

I told myself, not to forgive him. I also told myself that i’d never forgive him for the scar he left on my eye.   
But, I also told myself that he was the only  
kid in school that I actually liked. 

“I forgive you, Ken.” I reply. 

“How can I gain your trust back?” He said it quick, like it was scripted and rehearsed. 

“You’ve always had my trust. “ I looked  
into his eyes, to reassure him that I was drop dead serious. 

_


	4. twinks, love confessions and make out sessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s shorter than my others but i tried

Tuesday, 7:46 AM

quadruple squad og gang

 

Eric Cartman: Keeny where the fuck are u

Kyle Broflovski: ^

Kenny McCormick: wherever the fuck i can be the fuck

Stan Marsh: We’re already starting.

Kyle Broflovski: fr can you guys just like stop

Kenny McCormick: he always the one starting some shit with me but he just salty cause i stopped being his damn bestfriend fuck

Eric Cartman: ..... U really act like I care thou

Kenny McCormick: alright then shush i’m coming now

Kyle Broflovski: good morning kenny

Kenny McCormick: huh

Stan Marsh: We just felt like you needed one.

Kenny McCormick: aw i love my two little twinks <3

Kyle Broflovski: what’s a twink

Stan Marsh: Nothing.

Eric Cartman: It’s what all of u are

Kenny McCormick: but you not a twink you real ugly

Eric Cartman: Alright but when I say I was

Stan Marsh: LMAO

Kyle Broflovski: what is it

Eric Cartman: Search it up if u dont know jew

Kyle Broflovski: ok

Stan Marsh: WTF. STOP

Kenny McCormick: let him staniel he needs to learn  
Kenny McCormick: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Eric Cartman: Wat

Kenny McCormick: i just saw three ugly ass creatures

Kyle Broflovski: you guys are so nasty

~

Private Message, 12:36 PM  
Cartman&Kyle ( this isn’t kyman but like a bit cause i don’t even ship them but style shippers are gonna be happy i promise )

Eric Cartman: Hey Jew

Kyle Broflovski: cartman? what do you want?

Eric Cartman: I just wanted to talk to u

Kyle Broflovski: mhm. about?

Eric Cartman: Like us man

Kyle Broflovski: .. us?

Eric Cartman: Quit the act Kahl

Kyle Broflovski: what act? there is no act.. what the fuck who is this

Eric Cartman: Atleast accept it

Kyle Broflovski: if you’re taking this THAT way.. then wtf no

Eric Cartman: We’ve gone on like a 10000 dates Kahl

Kyle Broflovski: you can consider those dates but i don’t. i’m into someone else i’m really sorry

Eric Cartman: Who??? Stan?? Haha pathetic

Kyle Broflovski: no. it isn’t. i’m sorry cartman but leave me alone

Eric Cartman: So it is Stan

Kyle Broflovski: bye i’m in fucking class i have no time for this

Eric Cartman: Ill never stop bothering u about this KYLE  
Eric Cartman: Dude im telling u I like u and ur gonna be like this

Kyle Broflovski; cartman just quit it. i’m sorry i don’t like you but i like somebody else and even if i didn’t i wouldn’t like you. just stop fucking messaging me or i’ll block you and i don’t wanna do that

Eric Cartman: Ok....

~

Kyle Broflovski’s PoV

I sit in class staring lifelessly into the chalk, cheap board and nodding my head once in a while to play it off as I somewhat understood what this teacher is saying.  
I can’t stop thinking about that person. This isn’t puppy love. This isn’t some hormonal desire. This sounds completely and utterly deranged but this is some sort of infatuated feeling, my heart warms just thinking about that person. Saying his name, even if it’s only in my head drives me delirious. Who else could he be?

It all comes to me though, it all snaps back to me.  
No, he isn’t like that. He’s known you when you couldn’t even say your full name correctly. This is wrong. This is wrong.  
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I evade my phone to at-least check who it is.  
Cartman?  
Great, fat ass distracts my mind in peace not once but one of the many times.

After exchanging a few texts, I feel as if i’m finally getting what he’s trying to say here. I can’t lie, i’m hardly flattered but still flattered. More perplexed than flattered.

‘cartman just quit it. i’m sorry i don’t like you but i like somebody else and even if i didn’t i wouldn’t like you. just stop fucking messaging me or i’ll block you and i don’t wanna do that’  
I typed fast and confidently cause’ I was more than sure of my words. I do feel sorry for the poor prick but he deserves it most of the time.

~

Tuesday, 1:48 PM  
Private Message  
Bebe&Wendy

Bebe Stevens: you know what i love

Wendy Testaburger: Yes. I know several

Bebe Stevens: okay but what i love the most is how much you trust me

Wendy Testaburger: Aw. really?

Bebe Stevens: THIS ISNT A GOOD THING  
Bebe Stevens: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU LIKE  
Bebe Stevens: IS IT THAT BAD  
Bebe Stevens: IF YOU LIKE KENNY ITS OKAY LIKE  
Bebe Stevens: GIRLS OVER BROS

Wendy Testaburger: I’ll tell you later.

Bebe Stevens: no yo tell me now

Wendy Testaburger: Bebe. I wanna but I can’t.

Bebe Stevens: well why not

Wendy Testaburger: Because were bestfriends. I can’t let that go.

Bebe Stevens: exactly.. were bestfriends why aren’t you telling me? what’s going on wendy  
Bebe Stevens: do you like stan again i’m not judging you

Wendy Testaburger: No bebe.  
Wendy Testaburger: Meet me in the girls bathroom in 5 minutes.

Bebe Stevens: really

Wendy Testaburger: Unfortunately.

~

Wendy Testaburger PoV

I pace back and forth fidgeting, playing with my thumbs waiting for my so called ‘best-friend’ to arrive.

I run my hands through my long silk black hair for what felt like the 40th time, tidying up my look.  
I hear the door open and I try to play it off. I can’t believe i’m about to do this.

The door closes with a bang and that’s all you can hear in the room and the tension only grows higher by the second.

“Wendy.. I won’t say anything. I would never.” Bebe finally spoke up, twirling her blonde curls.

“It isn’t that easy. I can’t tell you, I have to show you.” I tried to avoid her worrying and upset gaze.

“Show me the-“ She was cut off by my lips introducing themselves to hers for the very first time. Something that i’ve been wanting to do, yet couldn’t find myself doing. She didn’t pull away, she didn’t stop. In fact, she was the one who got more into it. In fact.. she was the one who pulled me in much closer which didn’t help my feelings.

Bebe eventually pulled away for breath, and we just stood there, no space between us resting our heads on one another smiling and flustered. I’m happy I made this decision.


	5. honey babe baby love kiss xoxo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s wednesday and i missed the new episode i will wait till 1:33 am to watch it on hulu   
> bet
> 
> & i love creek so much y’all dont understand   
> & i love kenneth mccormick even more  
> & i hope y’all love this chapter

Tuesday, 4:53 PM  
quadruple squad og gang

Eric Cartman: Guys ;-(

Stan Marsh: ?

Eric Cartman: ;-( 

Kyle Broflovski: what happened

Eric Cartman has sent a photo!

Stan Marsh: Are those your grades?

Kenny McCormick: how u got an F in gym

Kyle Broflovski: ....

Kenny McCormick: i’m adding butters back tee hee

Kenny McCormick has added Butters Stotch to  
the group. 

Kenny McCormick has sent a photo!

Stan Marsh: What a gr8 bf. 

Butters Stotch: Hey fellas!  
Butter Stotch: Who’s grades are that?

Eric Cartman: Mine

Butters Stotch: Darn, Eric! Need to work a little harder. 

Kenny McCormick: i’ll work alot harder on you butters

Butters Stotch: Ken! You need to work harder on school! 

Kyle Broflovski: dumbasses

Stan Marsh: LOL

Kenny McCormick: fuck school

Eric Cartman: Let me see your grades

Kenny McCormick: idk how to log in

Eric Cartman: Excuses

Kyle Broflovski: his grades are better than yours

Eric Cartman: And how do you know that

Kyle Broflovski: i have classes with him he’s actually smart

Butters Stotch: I have classes with him too! We sit next to eachother 

Kenny McCormick: aw yes we do (‘;

Stan Marsh: I need to do some project worth a whole bunch of grades.

Kyle Broflovski: i’ll help 

Kenny McCormick: lalalalaalalallalallalallaal

Kyle Broflovski: i mean if you want loooooolll

Stan Marsh: I do. Come help me out then. 

Kyle Broflovski: okosk when 

Kenny McCormick: butters   
Kenny McCormick: our bet

Butters Stotch: I’m winning. 

Stan Marsh: Bet?

Kyle Broflovski: yeah they did some kind of stupid ass bet about us it’s nothing though they’re just weirdos   
Kyle Broflovski: so when

Stan Marsh: Whenever you want. It’s due next week 

Kenny McCormick: guys im gonna fuck a teacher 

Kyle Broflovski: okay i’ll come over tomorrow if you’re free

Kenny McCormick: who should i fuck y’all i need good grades

Stan Marsh: I’m free right now and tomorrow, and the day after. 

Kenny McCormick: im gonna fuck mr broflovski and mr marsh rn if they don’t acknowledge me 

Kyle Broflovski: okay but what’s more like convenient for you stan

Stan Marsh: I mean..? As soon as possible but would you really get up and stop doing your work to go and help with mine when it’s due like next week, c’mon Kyle. 

Kenny McCormick: bruh you both are fucking dumbasses 

Kyle Broflovski: i’m on my way. 

Kenny McCormick: THAT BOY SMART

Stan Marsh: Okay. call me when your here. 

Kenny McCormick: oh my god cartman and butter died or some shit i need attention 

Stan Marsh: Alr, see you later kyle & bye kenz

Stan Marsh is now offline. 

Kyle Broflovski: kenny

Kenny McCormick: YES

Kyle Broflovski: how is life

Kenny McCormick: you guys were like sexting and ignoring me so a little horny 

Kyle Broflovski: BYE

Kenny McCormick: BRUH ITS A JOKE YOURE BEING PRANKED THERES CAMERAS THERE THERE AND THERE

Kyle Broflovski: i’m walking to stans house tee hee

Kenny McCormick: have fun

Kyle Broflovski: ily kenny 

Kenny McCormick: i have a boyfriend. 

Kyle Broflovski: i’m happy and i’m like telling you that ily but ok 

Kenny McCormick: ilyt

Kyle Broflovski: i have “tea”

Kenny McCormick: sweet like cinnoman 

Kyle Broflovski: cinnamon* wtf

Kenny McCormick: what’s the “tea”  
Kenny McCormick: boi why are we suddenly wendy and bebe “ tea “ headass

Kyle Broflovski: ILL TELL YOU LATER IM AT STABS

Kenny McCormick: omg ok quickly though  
Kenny McCormick: i don’t think you need condoms i trust stan but use lube ok kyle   
Kenny McCormick: you twinks grow up sooo fast  
Kenny McCormick: BYE KYLE

Kyle Broflovski is now offline. 

 

Tuesday, 5:21 PM  
I love Token and Tweek ( i haven’t written about them in ages don’t u miss them cause i did ) 

Craig Tucker is now online. 

Clyde Donovan: Dont talk to me Craig. 

Craig Tucker: why is that still the group name?

Clyde Donovan: I said not to talk to me. 

Craig Tucker: there are 2 other people in this group chat. 

Token Black: Idk. Change it, Clyde. 

Clyde Donovan: Why should I? It’s a statement

Craig Tucker: you love them but they don’t like you.

Clyde Donovan: Who is that? I cant read that. Token? Help. 

Craig Tucker: boi...  
Craig Tucker: token tell clyde that craig  
Craig Tucker: wait.  
Craig Tucker: why isn’t tweek talking?

Clyde Donovan: THAT BOY SENSED IT REAL QUCIK

Token Black: LMAOOAOAOAOAO

Craig Tucker: tweek are u there????  
Craig Tucker: im calling him rn.

~

Tweek Tweak’s phone rang on his counter and he ran to get it, he couldn’t answer the group chat because he was too busy making coffee and he didn’t want any to get on his brand new phone CRAIG and his parents paid for.   
Everyone stills thinks Tweek and Craig are dating. Craig is in denial and always denies it saying everybody forgot but at the end of the day his actions say other wise. At this point, Tweek doesn’t care. He’s gotten used to the late night calls and the hand holding and kisses on the cheek here and there. 

Craig would risk a lot just to see Tweek. Tweek was always confused about that, though. They were in private and Craig still treated him like he was his whole world. The way he looks at the blonde is pure gold.

Tweek never complained, in fact, he enjoyed it. He was used to it, he looked forward to it. He looked forward to meeting Craig in between classes so they can go hand in hand to Tweeks next class, even if it meant Craig was 30 minutes late to his. Craig’s excuse would always be ‘ I was walking Tweek. ‘ None of the teachers said anything, due to the fact that all of them lived for the fact of Tweek and Craig together. 

You would think that relationship would be long gone and godforsaken after 8 long years, but there still are drawings, there still are songs, cosplay and they still get warm smiles and get let off the hook for many things. Hell, they even have their own section on porn. 

It was all for show, until the first year of high school where Tweek realized he wanted more. His crush on his fake boyfriend developed within the day. He came over to sleepover, he came over after school, he came to the coffee shop, he was always beside Tweek. Without Craig there would be no Tweek. Without Tweek, there would be no Craig. No emotion, no soft spot. It would be cold. Without the warmth of Tweek’s warm smile and his kind heart. Craig’s heart would be cold. 

That is, until a simple rumor caught Tweek’s little ear.   
‘Craig has a crush on some girl!’  
‘Craig and some chick have some sort of fling.’  
‘You didn’t know?’  
‘I don’t know though. Maybe it ain’t true!’   
Was the things that they told Tweek. Tweek was hurt, hurt to the point where he questioned it all. All. 

“Tweek? Man — are you good?” Was the first thing that Tweek heard when he accepted the call.

“Craig! Y-yeah! Why? I’m making coffee.” Tweek put down his coffee and stopped what he was doing to bring some reassurance.

“Haha, nah babe. You weren’t talking in the chat but was online so.”. Craig’s laugh was so light hearted and heartfelt. It wasn’t forced, you could tell just the sound alone of Tweek’s voice helped that laugh escape the noirettes mouth. 

“C-craig?”

“Yes?”

“Nevermind...” Tweek mumbled loud enough for Craig to hear him out. 

“Tell meeee.” Craig whined. ‘What a baby!’ Tweek physically and mentally rolled his eyes. 

Tweek was no good at keeping secrets. Especially from the one he goes too about everything. They’ve always been loyal!   
If this did happen, they weren’t actually dating so?

“Tweeeeeeeeeek.” He whined again. 

“Who..- W-who” Tweek cleared his voice. This is gonna start so many problems, he knew it. But closure was needed. 

“Who?” Craig teased. 

“... Who’s the girl people are telling me that you... you have a c-crush on?” Tweek manages to get that all out without stuttering and was actually proud of himself.

“Girl? There’s no girl, honey.”   
‘Honey. Curse his charming tendencies.’ Tweek repeated in his mind. These nicknames will drive him completely insane, he swears. 

“I-I.. Gah..  
Are you sure?!” A lot of people told him that “rumor.” A lot. 

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Craig said softly and without hesitation.   
Tweek stayed quiet.   
“Tweek?” 

“I’m– here.” Tweek finally responded, he has a lot of trust in Craig. 

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Y-you.. You can be with anybody on the low. You said it yourself, this relationship isn’t r-real and everyone has forgotten.”

“...” It was Craig’s turn to stay quiet. It hurt  
him, it hurt Craig like a fucking truck. This relationship isn’t real. Craig did say that. He did. He put Tweek into doubt. 

“Tweek.. I- We need to talk.. I think? I don’t know okay?” Craig tripped on all his words. 

“We can a-always talk Craig.” 

“Meet me behind your parents coffee shop. I wanna take you somewhere. Like a date.” 

“A d-date?”

“Yes, a date. We went on one last week, babe. This shouldn’t be new.” 

“B-but what about the talk?” 

“I’ll explain all there. See ya, honey.”

 

Before Tweek can get both his hands on his phone again, Craig hung up.

~


	6. wet dreams & nap time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i need to get tweek and craig somewhere y’all i don’t know wtf to do with them they’re the definition of perfect 
> 
> if i do some shit i’ll probably ruin yalls lives but what’s a fanfic 4 
> 
> enjoy tho

Tuesday, 6:02 PM  
Craig Tucker’s PoV

I lean my head on the coffee shop behind me, waiting for my twitchy blonde.  
I don’t know what I plan to accomplish by inviting him here. I originally planned to give him his first kiss, I debated on it for a long fucking time. This was supposed to be the night. The night i’d take his so called “innocence” . Not in that way, though I would if I had the chance as sinful as it is.  
Anyways, I had it all planned out in my head. Today, he mentioned some girl and then my conscious told me to slow it down and just give Tweek a good time to get his mind off of whatever was told to him. 

Instead of taking him down to Starks Pond to watch the sunset (my gay ass), instead i’ll take him down to the movies, watch whatever movie he pleases and enjoy the snuggles and his cute commenting on every part of the movie (still pretty gay).

Well, i’m not complaining. Not at all. Every moment I spend with Tweek makes my heart skip a beat. Everybody else.. I wouldn’t really give.

 

Today on the phone, he mentioned that they weren’t really dating once again. I hate being reminded of that thought. I really despise it, because all my life i’ve spent within the reach of Tweek Tweak. You’d be fucking crazy if you didn’t fall in love with him or at-least thought about him in any other way then a “fake boyfriend” 

It’s something about him. There’s been several times that I convinced myself that I was just lonely and that’s why I was feeling this way. But, i’ve tried. I’ve tried with Kenny, Thomas, and at a point I even tried with fucking Stan. (Of-course, I had to turn them down, I couldn’t give the fact that Tweek and I weren’t dating away.) But, regardless of me turning them down because of that they don’t make me feel like how I feel with Tweek. I don’t feel the same. I’ll never.  
Tweek is probably so convinced that I don’t like him like that. Where was he anyways?

“Hello, Craig. Waiting for Tweek?” Mr.Tweak comes out from the shops back door and says to me. 

“Yeah. By any chance, do you know what’s taking him so long?” I question impatiently. 

“When he takes long it’s mostly because he’s anxious. He’ll be coming soon, what are you boys gonna do?” 

“I’m gonna take him to the movies.” I said proudly, what a good boyfriend I am. 

“Oh, alright. You kids have fun!”

“Will do.”

My “boyfriend’s” father finally decides to leave me alone but once he closes the door to leave I fortunately peep a short twitchy blonde approach the back door and see him smile. God, his arrival really brightened up my mood. 

Making my heart swell up and bump even harder, he stands on his tippy toes and wraps his arms around my neck out of instinct, I wrap my arms around his waist gently. He does this almost every time we meet and it still manages to fucking make me feel.. interesting? 

“Ready to go?” 

“W-where are we going?” He asks as we start walking towards my soon to be revealed location. 

“I’m taking you to the movies like the good somewhat boyfriend I am.” I say proudly and confidently, though playing it off cool. Can’t seem like we give too many fucks now, can we Craig?

“Gah! Really? The movies is scary! All dark and s-secluded.”

“I’ll be right next to you the whole time, honey. You have nothing to be worried about.”

~

Private message  
StanMarsh&KennyMcCormick  
Tuesday, 6:40PM

Stan Marsh: Kenny, we need to talk. 

Kenny McCormick: hey what’s up hello

Stan Marsh: You CANNOT say a word about this conversation to ANYBODY. 

Kenny McCormick: i hope its nudes

Stan Marsh: LOL no

Kenny McCormick: what happened then babe

Stan Marsh: I had like a “wet dream”

Kenny McCormick: your point???  
Kenny McCormick: i get one literally everyday

Stan Marsh: Okay. But of someone that isn’t someone I should be getting dreams about especially not like that

Kenny McCormick: whooo

Stan Marsh: Don’t say anything. i’m not playing dude 

Kenny McCormick: go ahead im not gonna say  
nothing go

Stan Marsh: Kyle.  
Stan Marsh: And i might have a crush on him that started back in like AugustLMAOOO

 

Kenny McCormick: thats so hot

Stan Marsh: KENNY

Kenny McCormick: woah  
KennyMcCormick: my life literally flashed b4 my damn eyes

Stan Marsh: Why? What happened now..?

Kenny McCormick: nothing i just imagined the thought of you and kyle and omg

Stan Marsh: Dude. Stop it please. 

Kenny McCormick: make that fuckin happen and record it 

Stan Marsh: It won’t happen because i’m pretty sure his straight ass is like in love with Heidi. 

Kenny McCormick: FUCK THAT FLAT CHESTED ASS A CUP BITCH UGLY ASSSSSSSS  
Kenny McCormick: i’m going on a rant  
Kenny McCormick: SHOOT, DUNK, THROW, AIM  
Kenny McCormick:YOUR DAMN SHOT FUCK WHATEVER GETS IN GOUR WAY  
Kenny McCormick: like dude. if you like somebody that much that you’ve started having dreams and fantasizing about them and just feel so attached to them,,,, you can’tlet your feelings go unnoticed dude that’s really bad. if you get rejected you get rejected that’s that but fuck everybody that gets in your way. in your mindset everybody could always tell that it’s always been you and kyle against the world. even when you guys were really close to other people. it was always stan and kyle. man like what switch in your thick skull forgot about that??? don’t let anybody be in control of your happiness stan. mayb right now he likes you and you aren’t doing shit about it and he’s like wow he doesn’t like me time to move on. y’all act like i got no eyes but  
my point is just go for it , if he says no then he says no it benefits you because you know to move on to better people  
Kenny McCormick: i swear i wanna see you guys fuck so bad i even wrote you a big ass paragraph 

Stan Marsh: Why are you suddenly a love whisperer?

Kenny McCormick: tbh idk  
Kenny McCormick: IDK WHERE THIS CAME FROM

Stan Marsh: Idk dude. Cause like look  
Stan Marsh: Kyles like different. He makes me like idk fuckinf dizzy 

Kenny McCormick: what the hell is wrong with u stan  
Kenny McCormick: ohh wait i know  
Kenny McCormick: you’re in LOVE

Stan Marsh: Shut your ass up  
Stan Marsh: Ok so. ik what im gonna do. I’m gonna shoot my shot and if he rejects me then that’s on him i’m not even gonna let that ruin our friendship. If he wants to ruin and distance himself on one reason then that’s on him like atleast I tried 

Kenny McCormick: yay

Stan Marsh: Yes yay

Kenny McCormick: u gonna digitally confess or like face to face 

Stan Marsh: Fuck idk. 

Kenny McCormick: do it dick to dick it’ll be intimate 

Stan Marsh: Where’s butters?  
Stan Marsh: He doesn’t deserve you. 

Kenny McCormick: OUCH

Stan Marsh: Stop talking about me and Kyle fucking and fantasize about your boyfriend. 

Kenny McCormick: he my main hoe not my boyfriend

Stan Marsh: I’m gonna tell him you said that shit. 

Kenny McCormick: VHILL OUT  
Kenny McCormick: if you do that i’ll tell kyle 

Stan Marsh: I’m gonna tell him anyways. 

Kenny McCormick: literally fuck you man 

Stan Marsh: JKKKK I won’t do that to you 

Kenny McCormick: ily stan

Stan Marsh: Ily2 

Kenny McCormick: i’m going to butters house now so i’m gonna stop our lil bonding moment 

Stan Marsh: Fuuuuck you

Kenny McCormick: what time? & inv kyle 

Stan Marsh: How about not inviting you?

Kenny McCormick: i couldn’t get myself to fuck y’all so

Stan Marsh: Kinda offended 

Kenny McCormick: you guys are like my friends my real friends that i hang out with on a daily basis i don’t wanna ruin that shit

Stan Marsh: Butters hangs out with us on a kind of daily basis. he’s your “ real friend “

Kenny McCormick: not really once he started hanging out with us i didn’t and i still don’t see him like i see you guys  
Kenny McCormick: i see him more romantically idfk my feelings are all over the place

Stan Marsh: LOL

Kenny McCormick: don’t worry about me though go shoot your shot 

Stan Marsh: Kay  
Stan Marsh: Have fun @ Butters. i’m gonna go somewhere with my dad now so 

Kenny McCormick: wait stan 

Stan Marsh: ?

Kenny McCormick: how did you and kyle fuck was he like riding you or doggy style or what

Stan Marsh: KENNY STOP..

Kenny McCormick: i really wanna know 

Stan Marsh:..  
Stan Marsh: He rode me. 

Kenny McCormick: i feel light headed 

Stan Marsh is now offline. 

~

“Babe. We can leave if it’s too much.” Craig quietly consoles the violently shaking blonde next to him.

“N-no! We’re staying.” Tweek sits back in his seat trying to keep still. 

Craig can’t concentrate on this shitty ass movie without worrying about Tweek (anxiety attacks ANYWHERE weren’t uncommon in Tweek) and he looked like such a jerk letting his “boyfriend” just sit there struggling to even hold the soda they’d gotten. 

“C’mere.” 

This startled the blonde, he thought what if he was annoying Craig? What if Craig WANTED to leave? What if Craig didn’t even wanna be fake boyfriends anymore? 

“What?” Tweek managed to get out,

“Come here, Tweek.” 

“.. Craig? I’m here. “ 

Craig chuckled and finally placed his arm CONFIDENTLY around the other and pulled him much closer.  
Of-course, Tweek didn’t react so fondly to this at first but he might of have exaggerated his twitches sometimes to make it seem like he was basically about to have an anxiety attack. So.. technically this is what he wanted all along. It’s happened many times but every time Craig even touches him he feels the same kind of adrenaline, no more, no less.   
Craig brought the boy closer and Tweek eventually melted into the embrace and his shaking calmed down, he twitched less and before you know it the two boys were cuddling shamelessly. With Tweek’s little head on Craig’s broad but small shoulder, Craig couldn’t help but smile, a genuine smile. (with Craig, everybody knows that barely happens.) 

It was about the middle of the movie when Craig heard quiet snores coming from the boy leaning on him, so he leaned his head lightly on the other and closed his eyes.  
‘This was a boring ass movie anyways.’ Craig thought to himself and he placed his hand ontop of Tweek’s, closing his eyes and amused but ignoring all the individuals admiring them from afar. This was THE life for Craig.


	7. im so dead inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi  
> \- i posted a new bunny fic ik ya'll don't give a fuck  
> \- i have 6789998212 fic ideas  
> \- i hate school  
> \- sorry 4 any misspellings luv u  
> \- enjoy

private message  
Kyle Broflovski & Kenny McCormick

Kenny McCormick: what’s the “tea” you never even bothered to tell me

Kyle Broflovski: ooooh  
Kyle Broflovski: kkk but dont go telling your bff cartman 

Kenny McCormick: what even is a cartman  
Kenny McCormick: kyle my room smells like upkyle  
Kenny McCormick: deadass

Kyle Broflovski: wtf is that

Kenny McCormick: what’s what

Kyle Broflovski: upkyle??

Kenny McCormick: what about it

Kyle Broflovski: what is that

Kenny McCormick: what is what

Kyle Broflovski: what the fuck is upkyle

Kenny McCormick: hahahahha  
Kenny McCormick: it was funnier in my head sorry

Kyle Broflovski: what the fuck 

Kenny McCormick: i wanted to talk to you for like a week to say that joke i just couldn’t remember to tell you but ok go continue w the “tea”

Kyle Broflovski: kay  
Kyle Broflovski: so tell me why i was sitting in class paying attention doing my work and i get a text from your super best friend cartman

Kenny McCormick: that “label” is hella gay

Kyle Broflovski: it’s not even gay  
Kyle Broflovski: it was like years ago 

Kenny McCormick: !!! that’s what makes it gay ,,, that it stuck on

Kyle Broflovski: whatever  
Kyle Broflovski; so yeah i check the text and cartman straights up tells me he likes me 

Kenny McCormick: nice try upkyle but i don’t believe u 

Kyle Broflovski: wanna bet

Kenny McCormick: chill  
Kenny McCormick: i’m broke

Kyle Broflovski has sent a photo!

Kenny McCormick: he’s so dumb  
Kenny McCormick: why didn’t he come to me for help that was so lame  
Kenny McCormick: o yeah and ur so mean

Kyle Broflovski; he was harassing me in my time of education 

Kenny McCormick: you attacked him

Kyle Broflovski: not intentionally. 

Kenny McCormick: attack me intentionally 

Kyle Broflovski: no

Kenny McCormick: k but isn’t he dating heidi why does he like u

Kyle Broflovski: i hope not  
Kyle Broflovski: ask in the gc be subtle though

Kenny McCormick: bet

~

quadruple og squad gang 

Kenny McCormick: guys

Kyle Broflovski: what happened 

Butters Stotch: ^

Kenny McCormick: do any of you know who heidi is

Butters Stotch: Isn’t she dating Eric?

Eric Cartman: Yes  
Eric Cartman: I’ve told u guys this many times  
Eric Cartman: Stay away Kenny she’s my girlfriend

Kyle Broflovski: if she’s YOUR girlfriend then why do you treat her like trash  
Kyle Broflovski: do you even wanna be with her? 

Eric Cartman: I treat her good  
Eric Cartman: U give me shit for it cuz u like her

Kyle Broflovski: i dont though??  
Kyle Broflovski: whatever cartman

Eric Cartman: Kyle I don’t wanna argue with u 

Kyle Broflovski: why’d you think i said whatever 

Stan Marsh is now online. 

Kyle Broflovski: hi stan 

Stan Marsh: Hey dudes.  
Stan Marsh: What’s goin on 

Kenny McCormick: nothing new, really

New private message from Kenny McCormick.  
~  
Kenny McCormick: does stan know bout fatass?

Kyle Broflovski: should he

Kenny McCormick: he deserves 2 know b t w i️ told butters he won’t say anything 

Kyle Broflovski: why would you tell butters & why should he deserve to know 

Kenny McCormick: butters isn’t gonna say anything and even if he does it’ll be worse for cartman then it will be for you & stan deserves to know because isnt he ur bestie 

Kyle Broflovski: yes but i don’t think he’d care

Kenny McCormick: el o el  
Kenny McCormick: he definitely would my dude

Kyle Broflovski: ? why  
Read 12:04  
*

Private message  
Kyle Broflovski & Stan Marsh

Kyle Broflovski: stàáâaäæãåān

Stan Marsh: Ye

Kyle Broflovski: cartman likes me 

Stan Marsh: Okay?

Kyle Broflovski: ideas, thoughts, comments, concerns ?????

Stan Marsh: I’m not like surprised lol

Kyle Broflovski: oh?  
Kyle Broflovski: you don’t believe me

Stan Marsh: It’s just unexpected thats all

Kyle Broflovski: do i need to send you the picture too

Stan Marsh: Why wouldn’t I believe you dude

Kyle Broflovski has sent a photo!

Stan Marsh: Wow.  
Stan Marsh: Do you like him back?

Kyle Broflovski: OFC NOT Wtf

Stan Marsh: Why’s he with Heidi if he likes you, though?

Kyle Broflovski: dunno

Stan Marsh: That’s so dumb. 

Kyle Broflovski: HONESTLY

Stan Marsh: lolll don’t you have feelings for her or something?

Kyle Broflovski: not anymore  
Kyle Broflovski: she’s over here looking stupid for going back to cartman and i really don’t understand why so what’s the point

Stan Marsh: So your crushless??

Kyle Broflovski: technically 

Stan Marsh: Interesting. 

Kyle Broflovski: hbu hbu

Stan Marsh: Same

Kyle Broflovski: wendy??

Stan Marsh: Who’s that?

Kyle Broflovski: dont be mean ffs

Stan Marsh: It isn’t mean smh she just stresses me out 

Kyle Broflovski: you don’t even talk to her 

Stan Marsh: Her presence  
Stan Marsh: Her womanist shit and  
Stan Marsh: Idk bro

Kyle Broflovski: ik she’s a bitch 

Stan Marsh: Weren’t you just defending her smh 

Kyle Broflovski: i’ve been waiting years for you to dislike her so i can say she’s a bitch

Stan Marsh: I WOULD OF HAVE BROKEN UP WITH HER IF YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS A BITCH YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE WITH US ALL THE TIME

Kyle Broflovski: i was with you guys because you’d always be like omgggg kyleeee stayyyy  
Kyle Broflovski: PLUS i wasn’t gonna make you break up with her just because i didn’t like her who do you think i am 

Stan Marsh: My super bestfriend (‘:

Kyle Broflovski: gay 

Stan Marsh: You say while you were the one that said it  
Stan Marsh: if it wasn’t for you it wouldn’t have been a thing u said it 

Kyle Broflovski: you said that shit right back with no hesitation stfu

Stan Marsh:

Stan Marsh: LOL  
Stan Marsh: Sooo what are you gonna do ab cartman?

Kyle Broflovski: i’m sure he’ll get over it

Stan Marsh: doubt it.

Kyle Broflovski: why?

Stan Marsh: Cause you’re special 

Kyle Broflovski: im special? 

Stan Marsh: Yup. 

Kyle Broflovski: how??

Stan Marsh: You’re just like idk  
Stan Marsh: You’re a good person and you’re smart and funny  
Stan Marsh: He’ll have hard time getting over you that’s for sure. 

Kyle Broflovski: d’awwww  
Kyle Broflovski: reallllyyyy

Stan Marsh: Yeessss realllyyy

Kyle Broflovski: thanks dude (-:

Stan Marsh: ;-)

 

~

Kyle covered his face in embarrassment, flustered by the others messages. Not knowing what to reply back, Kyle set his phone down and smiled to himself, also cursing at himself in his mind for being so “damn gay.” Why’d he put that face? Was he being flirty or was it just a bestfriend to bestfriend type shit? Or maybe it was flirty, but in a jokingly way like Kenny always does! Or maybe it was just serious flirting and the boy he’s liked for what it felt like decades, actually is trying to flirt. Stan was never an amazing flirter. He would always be cheesy but it’d be so cute. Kyle remembered those times in the 8th grade when Stan would practice his pickup lines on Kyle, then he’d ask “Was that good?” In return, Kyle would always smile the most genuine, infatuated smile and reply with “Yeah, that was really good Stan.” Even if they were the worst, most cheesiest, dumbest pickup lines he had ever heard in his life, if it came from Stan then he wouldn’t wanna hear another pickup line from anybody else.  
Kyle wasn’t a firm believer of any type of hope,  
he thought that whatever happens happens. But, this little, irrelevant, brief conversation by TEXT made him feel some. 

~

“Dude! Why would you put a winky face?!” Stan yelled at the blonde known as the infamous Kenneth sitting infront of him, wearing a mischevious grin on his face.

“You need to give him hints!” He yelled back assuringly and his devilish grin only grew. 

“He doesn’t need any fucking hints, Kenny! He probably thinks i’m so weird.” Stan locked his phone and face-palmed, overthinking about all the endless possibilities that’d be Kyle’s thoughts at the moment.

“Nah. He’s definitely beating it right now.” Kenny confidently stated and smiled a toothy grin teasingly at Stan after leaning on the wall behind him picking up his own phone. 

“Kenny, stop! I told you to stop sexualizing him!” The noirette punched him lightly on the shoulder and rolled his eyes with a faint blush on his cheeks.

“Me? YOU need to stop. Don’t think I don’t know how the boy body and mind work, Staniel.”

“Whatever. Let’s talk about you.” 

“There’s really nothing to talk about.” 

“Yeah, sure. Have you talked to Butters?” Stan peeped over at what Kenny was doing on his phone but couldn’t get more of 3 seconds worth a look of it because he was rudely pushed away. 

“Stop that. You’re so nosy.” Stan knew he was texting someone somewhat important because he isn’t this secretive at all. 

“Dude! I tell you everything!” 

“Okay, yes, big deal, i’m TEXTING him. Are you gonna go draw pictures of me and him like Tweek and Craig or something?” 

“Well..What’s he saying? 

“Stupid shit! Lets get food.” 

~

I love Token and Tweek

Clyde Donovan: i SEE THAT YOU AND TWEEK WERE AT THE FUCKING MOVIES CRAIG

Craig Tucker: omfg

Clyde Donovan: You guys saw that new movie and you didn’t even invite me and Token!!!!!!!!!

Craig Tucker: we didn’t invite you guys for no reason. you guys are annoying at the movies especially you clyde with your overdramatic ass crying and shit

Clyde Donovan: Cause i have EMOTIONS CRAIG

Craig Tucker: o k

Clyde Donovan: I’m just so mad. 

Craig Tucker: go with your girl bebe

Clyde Donovan: CRAIG CAN YOU FUCKING NOT DAMN YOU ALWAYS NEED TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE ME UPSET

Craig Tucker: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Clyde Donovan: Sadist ass

Craig Tucker: what the fuck is sadist

Clyde Donovan: What you are  
Clyde Donovan: You sick fuck  
Clyde Donovan: TWEEK LIKES THAT KINKY SHIT RIGHT

Token Black: i was just reading this and not saying nothing bc fuck y’all but C L Y D E

Craig Tucker: .  
Craig Tucker: wanna be even clyde?

Clyde Donovan: Craig i love you so much you’re my bestfriend forever bff  
Clyde Donovan: Thanks for saving me Craig you’re my super bestfriend

Token Black: LMAO

Craig Tucker: token there’s something you should know. 

Token Black: Don’t drag me into this.

Craig Tucker: you won’t be, promise. just hear me out

Clyde Donovan: Craig. if you do this i will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever forgive you and you will never be my super bestfriend again MATTERFACT you won’t even be my friend 

Craig Tucker: so token. there is something clyde has been meaning to tell you for a long time 

Token Black: ?

Craig Tucker: it may get complicated so stay with me. ready?

Token Black: Kay ready

Craig Tucker: so it happened in 9th grade i believe 

Token Black: Yes mhm continue 

Clyde Donovan: Craig im crying wahhhhhhhh  
Clyde Donovan: ):

Craig Tucker: ITS TWEEK nOW HEY  
Craig Tucker: love u guys

Token Black: NOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE FUCKKK 

Craig Tucker: skoshdisjsj TOOOOKENNN it wasn’t anything he was just being petty PROMISE 

Clyde Donovan: TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

Craig Tucker: yessssa 

Clyde Donovan: i hope you have an amazing day dont forget to kiss craig and tell him you love him and drink lots of water and eat all your vegetables and i hope all ur good dreams come true and ur depression and anxiety suddenly cure 

Craig Tucker: aw

Tweek Tweak is now online. 

Tweek Tweak: i hve areived 

Craig Tucker has sent a photo!

Tweek Tweak: dont expose me and our son they don’t know!!!!

Craig Tucker: but he looks just like you. 

Token Black: That’s a fucking guinea pig

Tweek Tweak: how does 1 change names

Craig Tucker has changed their name to: SUUUPER CRAIG

Clyde Donovan: SUUUPER CRIAG LMAOOOAOAAOOA

SUUUPER CRAIG: ITS ME TWWEK LMAOOAOA  
SUUUPER CRAIG: his. ugky sass

Tweek Tweak: TWEKE YOU ACT LIKE YOUR NAME WASNT STUPID  
Tweek Tweak: wonder tweek face ass  
Tweek Tweak: change it back and come back here right now tweek

Tweek Tweak has changed his name to: cupcake boy

cupcake boy: i’m going through your phone

Token Black is now offline. 

cupcake boy: who is dad

SUUUPER CRAIG: my dad

cupcake boy: smh 

Clyde Donovan: Check his snap tweek 

SUUUPER CRAIG: kenny is on ur bf list on snap interestin nice to know u send eachother NUDES

cupcake boy: jealous?

SUUUPER CRAIG: no 

cupcake boy: you’re so jealous. 

SUUPER CRAIG: idrgaf 

cupcake boy: good now I can actually send him nudes

SUUUPER CRAIG: wow cuties goals when he a real freak

cupcake boy: i’m fucking kidding gosh tweek  
cupcake boy: + you really miss me with that gay shit 

Clyde Donovan: I ship you guys so much i’m gonna become a chinese girl to draw pics of y’all 

cupcake boy: STAN & BUUUTTERS BOTH ARE ON YOURS  
cupcake boy: l m a o l m a o SUUUUUPER funny

Clyde Donovan: AM I ON TWEEKS???? i better be or ima be so mad

cupcake boy: ur #3 on it

Clyde Donovan: Yay

SUUUPER CRAIG: STAN LIKES SUM1 & BUTTERS TALKS TO ME AB KENY 

Clyde Donovan: He snap back

cupcake boy: it’s ok hun 

Clyde Donovan: Why are you so affectionate with Tweek and with me you hate me

cupcake boy: um idk? maybe because i’m dating him....... ever thought of that possibility 

Clyde Donovan: I thought yall were friends

cupcake boy: well damn  
cupcake boy: really?  
cupcake boy: oh shit  
cupcake boy: well  
cupcake boy: obviously  
cupcake boy: we never broke up lol

SUUUPER CRAIG: lsjdmnsskessisahahah  
SUUUPER CRAIG: dont call me hun craig

Clyde Donovan: Hun

cupcake boy: hun  
cupcake boy: can you come here and give my phone back please 

SUUPER CRAIG: okkksksjdj

Clyde Donovan: I want a relationship

cupcake boy: bebe

Clyde Donovan: OMG idk if thatwas tweek or Craig but FUCK YOU

cupcake boy: you got r e j e c t e d

Clyde Donovan is now offline.

~


	8. no more separate gc's yayzies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i finally did that shit with all of them   
> & currently trying to find out what the fuck i'm gonna do with butters and kenny

Eric Cartman has added Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Clyde Donovan, Token Black, Kenny McCormick, Tweek Tweak, Craig Tucker and Butters Stotch to “Dickriders and Eric Cartman”

Kyle Broflovski: what is this cartman

Eric Cartman: It’s our headquarters, Kyle

Kyle Broflovski: nobody wants to be in a headquarters with you but okay

Eric Cartman: Lol(:

Kenny McCormick: can i fucking die

Stan Marsh: Mood though

Clyde Donovan: This is gay

Kenny McCormick: you’re gay

Eric Cartman: Clyde you always have something to say  
Eric Cartman: Ok let me talk

Clyde Donovan: Okay….????

Craig Tucker has left the group.

Kenny McCormick has added Craig Tucker to “Dickriders and Eric Cartman”

Kenny McCormick: where u goin daddy

Craig Tucker: far away from you.

Kyle Broflovski: mood

Tweek Tweak: hi guys

Eric Cartman: Ah. Tweek. Wellcome.

Kyle Broflovski: you spelled welcome wrong 

Eric Cartman: Well, thank you Kyle Broflovski.

Clyde Donovan: Dude what the fuck is your problem are you okay

Kenny McCormick: he told me that he was trying to act more, and i quote, “civilized and patriotic” end quote  
Kenny McCormick: and the reason behind that, and i quote once more “nobody likes rude people” end quote

Craig Tucker: dumbass. i swear. 

Kenny McCormick: wowwww thank u sooo much!!! the one and only craig fucker what an honor ur an inspiration to us all 

Clyde Donovan: I think I love Kenny Mccormick

Kenny McCormick: i love you more   
Kenny McCormick: jk   
Kenny McCormick: i mean like ily in a friend way but sorry donovan im taken 

Clyde Donovan: Wow, how tragic

Kenny McCormick: are you disappointed too, craig?

Craig Tucker: no, i’m glad 

Kenny McCormick: fuck i forgot about tweek   
Kenny McCormick: sorry i respect yalls relationship (-: 

Craig Tucker: did you forget about butters too?

Kyle Broflovski: oh shit im deceased

Stan Marsh: Shit ok

Kenny McCormick: i’m gonna kick your ass fucker 

Eric Cartman: SHIT CRAIG

Clyde Donovan: Oh damn

Stan Marsh: Miss Kenny  
Stan Marsh: Miss Kenny????  
Stan Marsh: Omfg he fuckin dead 

Kyle Broflovski: hahahaahah 

Eric Cartman: That’s old, Stan. It isn’t funny. 

Kyle Broflovski: you’re fucking old cartman 

Eric Cartman: It was specifically directed at Stan, not you. Kyle. 

Stan Marsh: Shit I forgot nothing is funnier than your lovelife 

Kyle Broflovski: I OFFICIALLY CANNOT WITH YOU 

Kenny McCormick: I AM BACK, I HAVE RESURRECTED FROM THE DEAD, I AM HERE FOR THIS 

Clyde Donovan: STANLEY MARSH

Eric Cartman: You’ve only had one girlfriend in your whole life and my love life is funny ????? 

Stan Marsh: Dude you really don’t wanna go there holy fuck

Kyle Broflovski: s t a n

Kenny McCormick: F U C K 

Eric Cartman: Im going there

Stan Marsh: Dude you really shouldn’t be talking. Atleast my crush doesn’t flat out reject me on the daily 

Eric Cartman: I have a girlfriend, Stan

Stan Marsh: Had*** Stop trying to hide your own words dude cause I got receipts 

Kyle Broflovski: kenny and i are like on the floor right now we aren’t breathing

Kenny McCormick: stan you’re turning me on rn 

Kyle Broflovski: yeah me too  
Kyle Broflovski: THAT WASNT ME   
Kyle Broflovski: that was kenneth

Kenny McCormick: wild 

Eric Cartman: Go fuck yourself Stan 

Stan Marsh: HE isn’t even your friend i’m dead

Eric Cartman: K 

Tweek Tweak: wowwwwww 

Clyde Donovan: FUCK IS THIS

Token Black: We come back to this. 

Kenny McCormick: you think this is bad?

Kyle Broflovski: you should see our group chat with only the four of us 

Token Black: LMAO

Clyde Donovan: We’d prefer not toooo

Kenny McCormick: butters hasn’t talked and i’m really upset about it y’all

Kyle Broflovski: i’ve been telling you to call him for 20 minutes

Stan Marsh: Do it pusssyyyy   
Stan Marsh: You always say that shit to me so  
Stan Marsh: Pusssyyy

Kenny McCormick: pussy pussy pussy marijuana juana 

Kyle Broflovski: call him what if he dead

Kenny McCormick: stfu kyle my mysterion senses tell me he’s fine 

Kyle Broflovski: get your mysterion ass out of here 

Kenny McCormick: shut up before i eat your ass human kite 

Kyle Broflovski: 

Kenny McCormick: that’s what i thought hoe 

Tweek Tweak: hes talking 2 me rn dk why he’s not talkin here

Craig Tucker: maybe he just doesn’t wanna talk here. 

Kenny McCormick: thats imposible my mcmuffin always wants to talk to me 

Clyde Donovan: Send him nudes

Kenny McCormick: suck my dick donovan gosh

~ 

Kenny McCormick: hey   
Kenny McCormick: what’s wrong 

Butters Stotch: Nothings wrong 

Kenny McCormick: are you sure   
Kenny McCormick: don’t lie butters 

Butters Stotch: Maybe something wrong. I don’t even know 

Kenny McCormick: tell me   
Kenny McCormick: is it the cartman thing?  
Kenny McCormick: butters just tell him that you don’t wanna be friends anymore we talked about this. that he treats you like shit and he’s changed as a person remember? just hit send

Butters Stotch: Ken. You don’t understand   
Butters Stotch: He has literally been there for me through the worst possible times in my life hes helped me and has been a very important role in my life okay now imagine that all being taken away in just one day all the hard times and all the memories we shared together   
Butters Stotch: Remember that one time in like 3rd grade when Kyle chose you over me because he liked you better everyone turned on me because they knew I wanted to be partners with him but he was with you as silly as it sounds I had nobody and cartman still was there for me so maybe I can’t just suddenly stop being friends with him because of one little thing so maybe I just won’t give up on him just yet

Kenny McCormick: okay but how about all those other things he’s done to you? the only person who was there for you after he’s done sick shit was me not to sound cocky or anything and he’s done way more bad deeds than good. i’m sorry but it’s the truth i don’t want you around that type of toxicness hes obviously something someone wants their all good vibes quirky boyfriend away from asap 

Butters Stotch: Boyfriend?

Kenny McCormick: are you not my boyfriend 

Butters Stotch: Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhh!!!

Kenny McCormick: so yeah i stopped being that close to him for a reason   
Kenny McCormick: and don’t let that get in the way of your social life like just because you’re having problems with one person doesn’t mean you have to not talk to your other friends 

Butter Stotch: Maybe you’re right. 

Kenny McCormick: i am always right butters scotch 

Butters Stotch: And, maybe i’m just scared that when I stop being friends with him..  
Butters Stotch: He’s gonna ? be mean? like those other times? Idk.

Kenny McCormick: i won’t let him touch you.  
Kenny McCormick: i swear to every god there is  
Kenny McCormick: i’ll fucking kill him bro

Butters Stotch: Thank you, Ken that really makes me feel so safe.

Kenny McCormick: i’m your hero aren’t i

Butters Stotch: Wellllll last time I checked, Ken, villains aren’t supposed to have heroes.

Kenny McCormick: okay well professor chaos is special and has his very own superhero boyfriend

Butters Stotch: I’m special!

Kenny McCormick: SUPER special

~


	9. demons and shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back and i still love samantha

Dickriders and Eric Cartman

Clyde Donovan: Im so bored

Kyle Broflovski: me too   
i finished all the past due shit i had to do and now i deadass have nothing to do 

Kenny McCormick: do something

Eric Cartman: I have no WiFi

Kenny McCormick: broke king 

Stan Marsh: LMAOO

Clyde Donovan: BRUH

Eric Cartman: Stop Kenny

Kenny McCormick: i love you 

Eric Cartman: I love you too no homo 

Craig Tucker: i just tried Iced coffee for the first time that shits fire 

Kyle Broflovski: I LOVE ICED COFFEE did you get it with almond milk 

Craig Tucker: Yeah but I like it without sugar   
like it’s too sweet if 

Stan Marsh: I hate iced coffee but Kyle always makes me fucking make it for him

Tweek Tweek: we hire at my parents shp if ur interested stan 

Kyle Broflovski: LOL  
he makes that shit good you should really do it

Stan Marsh: Tweek are you serious though 

Craig Tucker: no, he’s not 

Tweek Tweak: srry stan

Stan Marsh: OH LMAO it’s okay

Kyle Broflovski: i have to try the ones you guys make at the shop tweek 

Tweek Tweak: come thru 

Craig Tucker: its fucjing delicious 

Kyle Broflovski: but i’m so tired i’ll probably go tomorrow for sure though 

Clyde Donovan: Get the breakfast sandwich there 2 that shit yummy as hell

Kyle Broflovski: for sure for sure 

Tweek Tweak: okok good

Stan Marsh: Can i go 

Kyle Broflovski: ... who do you... like.. think you are?? 

Clyde Donovan: No cause imma go with kyle it’s a date

Kyle Broflovski: ......... you can come stan

Stan Marsh: Fuck you clyde 

Clyde Donovan: Bye afffff

Kyle Broflovski: just come now stan you can help me babysit 

Stan Marsh: Alrrrrrr

Craig Tucker: i deadass Just drank coffee why the fuck are my eyes so heavy 

Tweek Tweak: u r so fuckinf extra 

Craig Tucker: I’m freaking out Tweek

Tweek Tweak: STOP 

Craig Tucker: Why you-

Tweek Tweak: ...

Craig Tucker: fucking STOP

Tweek Tweak: wtf is wrong with u

Craig Tucker: Idk bro i’m Confused as hell WHY AM I SLEEPY WHEN IM DRINKING COFFEE 

Tweek Tweak: cause ur stupid thts why

Craig Tucker: Ik you fuckin lyin

Tweek Tweak: IDK CRAIG  
it just be like that sometimes 

Token Black: What the hell is going on

Craig Tucker: Crap 

Tweek Tweak: he’s being fucking restarted 

Craig Tucker: Learn how to spell honey 

Tweek Tweak: please leave me alone

Token Black: Tweek you cannot say that word it’s offensive 

Craig Tucker: Ya tweek shut up

Tweek Tweak: .

Craig Tucker: JK JKJKJK I WAS PLAYIng

Tweek Tweak: i-

Craig Tucker: I DIDNT MEAN THAT   
i’m sorry i heart u please please

Token Black: You goos

Tweek Tweak: hes fine 

Craig Tucker: <3

_

 

Kyle Broflovski: YALL WHAT THE CUCK

Stan Marsh: i-..

Kenny McCormick: text at 3 am again bitch i swear

Butters Stotch: What happened? 

Kyle Broflovski: KENNY it’s not like u were sleeping 

Kenny McCormick: i was fucking my boyfriend what the hell do you want 

Kyle Broflovski: gross   
Stan u say it

Stan Marsh: So we were looking at Kyles baby pictures right and fucking Kyle takes some thing out and I get hit o my head with this thing it was like a box and we opened it

Kyle Broflovski: UHUH

Stan Marsh: Kyle got possessed by a Jewish spirit 

Kyle Broflovski: oh my fuckig god stan stop no i didnt it was like one of those ouija boards

Kenny McCormick: . ok

Butters Stotch: Wow! That’s really cool wthhh

Kyle Broflovski: I KNOW 

Stan Marsh: He wants to play with it but i don’t hes fuckign crazy he’s that one Jewish guy 

Kyle Broflovski: can you stop 

Kenny McCormick: those are BULLSHIT take it from me kenny mccormick morty mcfly williams

Butters Stotch: I don’t think you should call t that....

Kenny McCormick: my love. i am the ouija board. 

Butters Stotch: Oh?

Kyle Broflovski: i-..

Stan Marsh: Dont fucking say it Kyle 

Kyle Broflovski: .. okay

Stan Marsh: Good boy 

Kenny McCormick: WHAT WHAT WHAT 

Kyle Broflovski: i cant say it 

Butters Stotch: Just saaaaaay it 

Stan Marsh: Wtvr i’ll say it

Kyle Broflovski: . ok go

Stan Marsh: We’re gonna try and summon my dead lizard that my dog killed

Kyle Broflovski: ..

Kenny McCormick: bitch i-..

Butters Stotch: Lol

Kenny McCormick: LMAOOOOOOO

Kyle Broflovski: BUTTERS LMFAO 

Stan Marsh: BUTTERS STOP

Butters Stotch: LOLLL Rip to him but gee that’s kinda funny 

Stan Marsh: We’ll tell you guys if anythinf happens 

Kyle Broflovski: we want all the smoke 

Kenny McCormick: okay   
back to business 

Butters Stotch: Dont die I love u guys

Stan Marsh: We love you butters

Kyle Broflovski: love u so much my son 

Kenny McCormick: g t f o 

_

Kenny McCormick: what happened

Stan Marsh: Wha

Kyle Broflovski: things got tense

Stan Marsh: Ohhh yeah

Butters Stotch: What did you guys get out of it

Stan Marsh: Lots of loud noises and it was like shaking and stuff 

Kyle Broflovski: yes 

Kenny McCormick: . oh.   
i’m tired so i ain’t gonna expose u guys and put u on the spot   
goodnight 

Butters Stotch: That must’ve been so scary how are you guys

Stan Marsh: We’re fine don’t worry

Kyle Broflovski: in so tired 

Butters Stotch: Goodnight guys <3

Kyle Broflovski: night

Stan Marsh: Gn butters


End file.
